Congratulations!

With the past three weeks being a blur, I feel terrible. I wanted to extend a huge Congratulations to Bernie and Julie Erwin on the arrival of their new daugther Serena Faith. I know they have been waiting and praying for a long time and she arrived to them on July 8th a day after dad passed away. As Aunt Judy said, knowing how important family was to dad told God that it was time to give Bernie and Julie their gift.

And oh my goodness - look at her - she is just beautiful - those cheeks :) We hope to see them Sunday at the party.

Much love to all,

Pictures

in trying to prepare the picture boards for dad's funeral service we realized that we didn't have many pictures of him recently. he was always the one taking the pictures. so we didn't have updated ones of him and Amy's kids or even him and any of the grandchildren. I think our last full family picture was wow - i don't remember the last time all seven of us had our picture taken together. there seem to be always someone missing.

my advice: take as many pictures as you can of the people you love - they don't have to be formal - just for fun - just take them - at least you will have a physical keep sake besides your memories. i love pictures - i love black and white ones especially, I am lucky enough to have had a few of dad, but there are never enough....

Take pictures!

Much love to all,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM - I hope you have a great and blessed day.

I love you.

Miss and love you dad!

Much love to all,

The Homily...

many people loved the homily that was given at dad's service by Deacon Bob and many people weren't able to hear it because of the AC unit - especially if you were in the back. Deacon Bob was very gracious enough to give us a copy of the homily, so here it is. He did such a wonderful job.
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I'd like to begin by sharing a quote from one of America's best known philospher's and theologian's George Burns:

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a great ending' and to have the two as close together as possible."
Obviously, George Burns never had to speak about Bill Timmerding.One of my favorite Scripture readings was also a hit song back in the 1960's by a British Group known as the Byrds. The song was entitled " Turn Turn Turn", and was based on the first 8 verses of Chapter 3 from the Book Of Ecclesiastes.

It goes like this. Relax, I'm not going to sing.

For everthing there is a season,
a time for every activity under heaven.
A time to be born and a time to die.
A time to plant and a time to harvest.
A time to kill and a time to heal.
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to cry and a time to laugh
A time to grieve and a time to dance
A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones
A time to embrace and a time to turn away
A time to search and a time to quit searching
A time to keep and a time to throw away
A time to tear and time to mend
A time to be quiet and a time to speak
A time to love and a time to hate
A time for war and a time for peace

Yes, it's all about time, but in order to talk about Bill Timmerding you would have to add several more verses.

Like Time to be a Husband, for nearly 44 years
Like Time to be a dad for 2 sons and 3 daughters
Like Time to be a grandpa for 10 grandchildren
Time to help the kids with remodeling project
Time to play golf
Time to Fry Fish
Time to Fry Chicken
Time to play golf
Time to watch Notre Dame football games
Time for Golf
Time to work at St.Anthony's festival
Time for Golf

Bill always had time for everyone, or he would some how make the time. That was Bill. But if there is one thing to remember about Bill Timmerding, he always had time for his God.

This was no more evident about a 6 weeks ago when Bill and Cookie told me they were making one more trip to Notre Dame. Bill told me he had that one more trip to South Bend, to pray one more time in the grotto, to light one more candle, which he forgot to do, to attend one more Mass in the Notre Dame Chapel, and to pray one more time to "Touchdown Jesus"

On their return, Bill couldn't wait to share the DVD with my on my Friday visit. The pictures were great, but I really couldn't see Bill. What I saw was a man, a man deeply entrenched in his faith.A man realizing that he was walking his own personal Calvary journey. What I saw was a family who realized that their husband and father was carrying a very heavy cross, but they also realized it's not as heavy as the one Jesus carried for our sins.

By his cross Jesus has won eternal life for all who believe and are baptized in his name. we can experience Jesus freedom everyday, in any circumstance. Jesus would never consider it a bother for us to cry out to Him. Our God is good and wants to take care of us. God went so far as to give up his only Son for us.

There is a saying "Time heals all wounds". Right now the family is hurting, and his friends are hurting, but we will all heal. Now we must give Bill back to God to love him and serve. I'm positive Bill heard the words "Well done good and faithful Servant, the kingdom of heaven is yours."

Since Bill was such a die hard Notre Dame football fan, I find it only fitting to close with a poem. A poem written by a Notre Dame Football player in the Lou Holtz era, it is merely titled, "The Dash"

The Dash

I've seen death stare at me with my own eyes in a way many cannot know

I've seen death take others but still left me below

I've heard many screams of mothers crites but death refuses to hear

In my life i've seen faces filled with many tears

After death has come and gone, a tomstone sits for many to see

But it is no more than a symbol of a person's memory

I've seen my share of tombstones but never took the time to truly read

The meaning behind what is there for others to see

Under the persons name it read toe D.O.B., dash (-)

And the date the person passed

But the more I think about that tombstone, the important thing is the dash.

Yes, I see the name of the person, but that I might forget.

I also read the date of birth and death but even that might not stick.

But thinking about the individual, I can't help but to remember the "Dash"

Because it represents a person's life and that will always last.

So when you begin to charter your life

Make sure you're on a positive path

Because people may forget your birth and death

But they will never forget the "Dash"

Annoyingly close

someone made the comment to me this week that my family and I were annoyingly close. At first I was upset that this comment was made and became defensive, but then I looked at that person and how they grew up and their relationships with their siblings and I knew it was said out of jealousy.

I am sure all of the spouses think the seven of us including mom and dad are annoyingly close. We talk about everything, from our sex lives, to jobs, to kids, to marital problems, to the weather, there is really no topics off limits - some may say that is bizarre, but I don't know to me it's normal. If you think about besides maybe a few good friends that you may still have around, all you have in your life is your family, they know you better than anyone, they may or may not be going through the same things as you, they know how your upbringing was - friends come and go except for the occassional few, but your family is always there - they have to be!

This person that made the comment can go weeks without talking to their siblings, they can leave their parents house without kissing them goodbye or saying I love you, they can not know what is going on in their nephew/nieces lives, they just go on. I feel sorry for that person. Not having the family that I have - we may not talk every day but we always catch up on the latest on Sundays at dinner, some of us talk every day, some of see each other once a week, but we make sure we are always there for dinner on Sundays - not only for the meals but for the scoop.

Dad's biggest thing in his life was Family! I remember being a teenager and not wanting to go to Uncle Dave's pool party one year because my friend was having a party the same day. Dad told me you will go, even if it is only for an hour, you will show up, this is your family and I don't care if no one else your age is there, my kids will be there. And welp, we are always there - especially now that we can drink :)

Do I think my family is annoyingly close? No - and all I can say is why isn't your family annoyingly close?

Miss and love you dad,

Much love to all,

Insomnia

it's been two weeks ago today - I still hurt, I still grieve, I still miss him, I still can't sleep. I am tired, very tired, but everytime I close my eyes I see that last image of my dad when he passed away. I don't know if anyone else that day has the same problem, probably not, my mind is always going a million miles in different directions.

I just can't sleep, I see him how he became and not who he was. I am trying my hardest and my best to get that memory of his passing out of my mind, because that day, that last month, that wasn't my dad - but the more I try, the harder my mind works, the harder it is to relax....

Just can't sleep........................

Miss you and love you dad!

Much love to all,

Hope is not pretending that

troubles do not exist. It is the

trust that they will not last forever, that hurts

will be healed and difficulties overcome.

It is faith that is a source of strength and

renewal lies within us, to lead us through

the dark to the sunshine.

Message from Mom

I want to thank everyone for their love and support during our "journey". You all brought a lot of comfort to us. THANK YOU!

Amy commented that my kids "stepped up to the plate" which they did. They went above and beyond the call of duty. Thanks kids.

I have noticed other kids "stepping up" when needed, The Bohman's, The Erwins, The Dave Timmerding's kids in taking care of their Grandma, Wally Timmerding's kids and now the Bill Timmerding's kids. I have no doubt that the other families of kids will do as well "stepping up" when the need arises. (I pray it won't be for a long, long time.)

I am very proud of our 2nd generation of Timmerdings/Carrolls. Maybe we did something right after all.

Love ya,

Cookie

What a beautiful day today is - I feel like today for some reason dad has been talking to me this morning and telling me that he is okay - that everything is fine and he is at such a beautiful place and he is happy. Just an overwhelming feeling this morning that he is okay.

It was a week ago today that we celebrated his life officially. But I'd like to continue to celebrate his life every day, every minute of the day. He was such a big part of my life and the kids lives that I will not let them forget him and I will teach them everyday what a great grandpa he was.

I talk to him every night - I'd like to think that he hears me. I just tell him about the day and how I am feeling and how much I miss him. I tell him about how mom is doing and anything else that I might know what is going on. If I talk to him like he is there and not really going, maybe I can get through this a little bit better.....

Today would be a day he would of gone golfing - it is such a beautiful day - it's hard to believe this is July weather - but it is a perfect day to hit some golf balls :)

Enjoy the day!

Love and miss you dad!

Much love to all,

Home

bitter sweet day. mom and I went and picked up dad today at the funeral home. we had them take him back after mass on saturday so we didn't have to worry about something happening to him. we distance ourselves from the thought of what is in the box - don't even want to go there.

but he is home and now to decide where he should go and what to do with him. we don't want anything to happen to him, it is bittersweet...... (and morbid in a way)

mom is doing okay - i guess, she doesn't say too much, i think she is still numb like we all are, still in disbelief and just feel like he is on vacation and he'll be home in a week - still hard to fathom. we are still having our sunday dinners - we will never give those up and we promised dad, at least I did, that we would continue the tradition. i think it is as important know than ever so we are able to help each other move on and to help each other with the emptiness.....

miss and love you dad!

much love to all,

Mom

she is going to kill me for even writing anything on here about her. But oh well....

today was a decent day, I didn't cry, just still living in that numb feeling, like a big hole in your heart, that was until I got the mail. Mom sent me a bereavement card on the loss of your father and I am sure she sent the other kids one too. Of course, she wrote in it, of course I cried, darn it, I almost made it. But it's just like her thinking of others and how we are all feeling and not worrying about herself. Like on Tuesday she spent the day running dishes and plants to all of the brothers/sisters - she is just that person. No wonder her and dad made a good team, they never thought of themselves.

Even through dad's illness each time we would get bad news she would be the one to say okay, it's okay we are going to beat this thing, cancer isn't going to win, we are going to win. Even the day dad passed away, we were all crying, even she was, and after about ten minutes, she said okay, okay, he had a good life, he wouldn't want us to be crying, he isn't in pain anymore. And to watch her take care of him, the way she held him the last few nights, and the way she talked to him and told him it was going to be okay - it just, ah, to find that kind of love is just very rare and it is something I am sure we all strive for.....

Here is to you mom, for holding us all together, for being the optimistic one, for worrying about us more so than yourself, for being you. I love you!!!

Miss you and love you dad!

Much love to all,

An Article...

a dear friend of our families, actually Jen's sister in law gave me an article to read that was in the messenger on May 22. It is called: A final act- Giving our deaths to our loved ones" It talks about how we are meant to give our lives for others, and we are also meant to give our deaths for them. We are to die in such a way that our deaths are our final blessing to others.

The death of a generous, gracious soul releases blessing and makes others feel free, just as the death of a bitter clinging soul pours out accusation and make others feel guilty. If I live in graciousness, in admiration, in forgiveness, and am willing, when it's time, to decrease so that others can increase, then what will be poured out at my death is blessing. My death will mean new freedom and courage for those who knew me. They will be able to go on with their lives with less fear, less guilt, knowing that it is best for them that I go away and that, like Jesus, I am helping to prepare a place for them. Ultimately the way of dying is our choice.

I know dad died with dignity and honor and we were so blessed, all of us, to be a part of the whole experience the last six days. I look back on it and am in awe, first that we didn't kill each other (LOL), but how we all came together, the five of us, the brothers, the sisters, neighbors and friends, how were all able to come and say good-bye and to be able to spend those last few minutes with him. The day dad passed away wow, what a true blessing to have his brothers/sisters there along with us kids and mom - it truly was a blessing. Not many people can go the way they wanted to, not many people get to say good-byes. Even though dad was in pain towards the end he was able to tell us each one by one, good-bye and not to be afraid. To live on and he will see us again one day....I hope when it is my turn, I can be half the person dad was on his journey.

I love and miss you dad!

(this was a hard one to type tonight- need another tissue)

Also, we have some extra prayer cards - if anyone did not get one but would like one just let me know and I can send one your way.....

Much love to all,

It's been a week

today - it is hard to comprehend that a week ago that he left us and went home - it is just so hard - I know we are all trying our best to stay busy and not be so miserable and feel so lonely but it is hard not to, today wasn't a good day, at least for me, I cried most of it and just felt alone - I just miss him so much....

It's been a week.....

I love you dad!

Much love to all,

Now what....

we have all been consumed with dad so much the last month and half, now what do we do? I feel such a void in my life and heart is broken, I know we go on and it is life but it doesn't make the pain any easier or the loneliness. I think the only one that worked today was Sean. The rest of us, at least I, am in that I don't care about work mode and there are alot more important things in life.

Mom is okay - she cleaned today, had us all come and get our flowers that were sent to us by our friends/coworkers. She said all of those flowers in there were depressing her even more. She did go swimming today with Jen and Amy and the kids.I didn't go because Logan and I are sick. The last two months have caught up with my body and it has broken down - so no swimming for us today.

Just can't still fathom it, I don't know if I ever will -

I love you dad!

** A dear friend had sent me this song about a month ago - it is hard to listen too but is a beautiful song.....THANK YOU!

If you click on the video under Don't Worry Now to the left - it will play the video with the words


Much love to all

Amazing!

What an amazing day yesterday was! Yesterday was the hardest but yet the most amazing day of my life. I started crying the moment I got up - it hit me, today is the day we were going to say goodbye, today was it. Since Tuesday I have just been numb and going through the motions of getting everything ready for his celebration of life. But the minute I got up I couldn't stop crying, it was all hitting me at once.

The mass, ah the mass, it was so beautiful, with the acoustic guitar, with the Knights of Columbus and their swords, with the standing room only crowd, with Deacon Bob giving such a wonderful personal homily, with the grandchildren all behaving well enough to walk roses down to dad, to the music, the readings - it was just a perfect, beautiful mass. We could not of asked for a better way to say goodbye.

The Celebration - all I can say is WOW! What an awesome tribute to dad. I heard some people come in and were shocked about how many people were there - it wasn't just family and friends, there were guys there from twenty years ago, guys he taught baseball too, just wanting to come up and say what a great father he was - and then the party moved to mom and dad's house and more stories and just more celebrating his life. We lite off more fireworks - for he loved them.

THANK YOU is never enough to say and it doesn't do it justice in saying that to everyone who helped make dad's celebration a remarkable, beautiful, amazing experience. It was exactly the way he wanted it, exactly. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

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I believe in these things and some people may not but last night at mom and dad's all of a sudden out of the blue a hunting dog appeared, with no collar. The kids were playing with him and feeding him and this dog would not leave. We have never ever seen this dog before. Dad had always wanted a hunting dog - I believe the dog was dad's way of saying, hey he wanted to be at the party too and part of the action. He was never one to miss a good party. It just makes you think.................
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I know some of you didn't hear the eulogy that I wrote that Father Joe read for me due to the A/C - so here it is:

I promised mom I wouldn’t make this depressing and sad. I just wanted to say a few words about dad.

Dad would even hate that anyone is up here talking about him. That was the type of man he is, modest and humble. I remember typing on the blog one night about what a great father he was and how I was so proud of him. The next day he asked me why I would say something like that and I told him it was because he was a great father and a great role model for everyone and he said no, I am not a great father, I am just a dad.

Dad saw himself as an ordinary man, but to us we saw him as an extraordinary man. He lived life to the fullest and even in the last 6months he has lived his life with dignity and honor. Never once complaining, never once saying why me.

Dad had many accomplishments in his life, the biggest one being his family, being married to mom for almost 44 years, all five of us and the grandchildren. He didn’t love anything more in life than being Grandpa, it was his greatest accomplishment. It is my promise to him today that I will tell the grandchildren about their grandpa and how great he was and how much he loved each and every one of them.

There are many stories we can all tell about dad: him losing his teeth in Cumberland and diving down to find them and he did!, the story about him and Uncle John as kids working on a project together painting a house. They asked for an advance and they were given it, they kept asking for “advances” and by the end, they had taken more money than what the estimate was and the job was never done, the infamous 4th of July parties he had every year, or just times he would sit at the kitchen table and weeble wobble and never fall down, well maybe once or twice.

He never thought of himself, not once, not even in dying did he think of himself. The last six months he was always making jokes, and flirting with the nurses, he always had a great spirit and not once complained. Even the day we found out that there was nothing more they could do for him, I was crying and he turned to me and said it will be okay, I am not scared. Instead of us comforting him that day he comforted us. He kept saying that it is okay, it’s life and I am ready. Even to the end he was living his life to the fullest and to the day cutting up jokes. “Tom, this isn’t the wafflehouse”….

I found this poem that sums up dad and what he would be saying to us today:

I have been sick and frail for awhile
God granted me a good life so smile
Because I am with Jesus this day
This is a beautiful place to stay
Do not cry for me
If I could speak to you today
This is what I would say
Celebrate my life in a wonderful way
Have joy in your life, sing and pray
Do not cry for me
Only a moment in time we will see each other again
What a wonderful day that will be
I am thankful that I have been your friend or father or brother
God is gracious and I am at peace
Be blessed my dear ones
Do not cry for me


(and Yes I am going to keep the blog going)

Much love to all,

Eerie

mom was telling us how her favorite number is 7 and dad's favorite number is 2 - dad died on Tuesday 7/7/09 at 2:00pm......

how eerie....

Bitter

day....we met with church this morning to finalize the plans - it is making everything seem so final. this was a very hard day. And then it was in the paper today and it makes it real, it is hard to see his name even in it - ahh......

mom kicked everyone out last night. she said she needed a night to herself to grieve, as soon as everyone left, she said she fell right asleep on the couch :). We took her shopping today and she was telling us how last night she felt dad's arms around her... more tears came....

here is a copy of what is on-line. it wasn't everything we wanted to say and it left out the brothers, but the paper had the brothers in it and left out other things we wanted to say - the joys of technology.

Bill Timmerding, Retired CSX Employee, Army Sergeant - KYPost.com

bitter sweet day....

much love to all

Arrangements

The arrangements for dad's funeral are the following:

Saturday July 11th - Mass is at 10:00am at Holy Cross Church

Celebration of Life (reception) immediately following mass at St. Anthony Undercroft

There will be no visitation. All are WELCOME to come help us celebrate dad's life after mass at the reception.

Do not feel like you have to come to mass to join in the reception afterwards. Please again, all are WELCOME to help us celebrate and drink one for Big Bill!

______________________

We are all doing okay today, still kind of surreal. It's quiet in the house - very quiet, but we are all still with mom - I am sure she is ready to kick us out!

Much love to all,

Today

it was kind of surreal waking up this morning and not having dad here. so use to it.. I still can't believe he is gone - and it will take a long time for me to even believe it.

we paid a tribute to dad last night by opening a beer and putting it by his kitchen chair along with his remote - none of us can take that beer and throw it away. it feels like he is just on vacation or at work and not actually gone. today we meet with the funeral home to make the arrangements - it's going to be a tough day.

i still can't believe it....

Dad

Dad passed away about a half hour ago. He was surrounded by his brothers and sisters, mom and the five of us along with spouses. We prayed the rosary this morning and everyone was able to sit with him, Jen and I happened to be sitting with him and we noticed that he was going. We called everyone in that was here and it happened quickly.

We are grateful that he is at peace right now and that he has gone home but knowing this was going to happen and knowing that he is at peace still doesn't make it any easier. It is heartbreaking.......

Much love to all,

Blessed another

day - dad is still with us, barely but he is. I really do not wish this upon anyone, it is such a suffering that is unbearable to watch, this is what is must of felt like for Jesus to suffer on the cross for us - it is just something unfathomable and you always question Why? why does someone have to go through all of this pain and suffering.

Lisa is here now - she is giving dad a sponge bath and a fresh shave. he is so out of it, it is just... uh so difficult.

I know soon he will be up with the angels and up with his mom/dad and his brother and all of his friends - and it will be one big celebration for him, I just pray that it is sooner than later - as much as I will miss him, it is unbearable to see this suffering that one has to go through, especially my dad.

Much love to all,

Moving moments...

dad is still hanging on - to something - we don't know, or God is making sure he finds the perfect blondes for him. Lisa the hospice nurse came in this morning and she had originally told us it could be hours, when she came back at five it was then said within 24 hours - it is all a guessing game for everyone - no one knows except for God.

It has been wonderful to have his sisters and brothers and cousins here to listen to the stories and to watch them take care of their little brother. Dad was the second youngest, so it is hitting all of them pretty hard too. An amazing experience has been watching his sisters with mom say the rosary with him, but tonight it was even more amazing and very tearful to see all the women in the house and two of them men say it - I couldn't keep a dry eye.

it has been five days and even though we all enjoy being with each other you can tell the nerves are starting to be short - like Sean said when this is done, we'll have to not see each other for at least two weeks.

so we continue to pray that dad will find his way home and that God will open his arms for him and take him. It has been a very long journey - he has been fighting since the beginning and continues to fight now.

much love to all,

Another day...

here we are another day, sometimes we have been thinking God is cruel, but we know he is just preparing to bring dad home, it is just so hard to see him like this, we just want him to have comfort and be at peace. We agreed - it sure isn't like the movies!

He has been restless and was seeing someone last night, he couldn't tell who it was but that someone was there and he kept trying to get to them. Mom has been so strong and an angel. It was heart breaking last night. Around 8:00 dad said he wanted mom to lay with him, so she got into bed and spooned with him. It just makes me cry typing this, the love that share after 43 years - it is amazing and very rare to find, at least now a days.

Lisa his regular hospice nurse will be in sometime this morning - and I know all of us kids are still here. It's like we leave and we feel guilty and when we are here we feel guilty because of not being with our kids, but we all agreed we wouldn't want to be anywhere else. And dad would want all five us to be able to go through this together and be there for each other and for him.

I'll update later today.

Much love to all,

Comic relief...

the last four days all of us kids have been here and spending the night. saturday morning dad had woke up and was in his weepy stage and was saying good-byes to everyone and just kept saying he was ready to go, ready to go. We were all around him crying and telling him it was okay to go, Tom our next door neighbor had come over and he was with us - dad had gone back into his fog, so Sean and Tom went to get some coffee and Tom was asking for some sweet-n-low, Sean yelled out to mom and she said all we had was sugar, so Sean continued to fix his coffee - dad came out of his fog and muttered the words" Tell Tom, this isn't Wafflehouse" :)......

even in this final stage of life he is able to still crack a joke. it was just perfect timing in that it broke up the moment - later yesterday hospice came out and they doubled his meds. he is unable to swallow anymore so he hasn't been able to take anything but his pain medication which is through an IV - which I guess at this point it really doesn't matter.

these last four days has been a true testimony of how great of man dad was. the people that have come through and how the brother/sisters still take care of each other - it is just a true blessing and it just reminds you that life is short and the most important people in your life will always be your family - immediate and extended.

Thank you to everyone for all of your support and the food this weekend and just the stories. It makes me even prouder to be his daughter.

I'll keep you updated throughout the day - he is at the point where he is so medicated, he is just sleeping - no more talking....

Much love to all,

How long...

how long do we have to watch him suffer and be in pain. well actually he isn't in pain, but it's not him anymore. we made it through another night - we have all been praying that God welcomes him home and soon - it is a very difficult and hard process to watch and go through.

it amazes u that it takes this long, even though he hasn't eaten anything in almost three days, his body just isn't ready to give up. i'd like to think he is finding those perfect blondes for dad and as soon as he has them ready he will bring dad home.

so hard......

Made it through...

made it through another night, dad was able to sleep through the night. he is up now, well as much as you can say up - today is the 4th of July! - It brings back such fond memories for us as kids. Dad use to have the biggest party ever today. I remember them planning for it for weeks, the food, the kegs, the fireworks, every year it seemed it got bigger and as I remember he would always have something different to eat. Whether it was grilling out, one year it was a big pig roast, turtle soup another - for those of you who were part of these great parties - I am sure you can agree with me in that wow, we are lucky us kids are still alive :)

Dad always loved the fourth and the shooting off of fireworks. He would always make sure he would buy some here een if it was just the sparklers for the kids - he just really enjoyed today. Yesterday was just ana amzing day with talking about memories with the aunts and uncles and just being able to spend time with everyone - it is really helping us get through this tough time. What a blessed family we have!

ALast night after everyone left it wound up the five of us kids on the front porch just talking and of course making fun of everyone - but it was the first time in I don't know how long that it was just the five of us -a long time.

So everyone take the time to enjoy the fourth and the time hopefully you are spending with your family and friends today.

I know we will be enjoying our blessed one more day with dad!

Happy 4th!!

Much love to all,

Update...

dad is still with us, when I left to come home to get clean up he was sleeping - his breathing is starting to get more shallow - we all know it is just a matter of time, but how much time we don't know -it's all in God's hands.

As I look and sit with dad it just breaks my heart to know that this disease did this to him, this is awful for anyone to go through - it doesn't make sense and it may never but the hardest thing any of us will do is watch someone you love die from cancer. There are times that I wish he would of just gone quickly like a heart attack or stroke, but then today being able to witness his brothers/sisters and cousins/nieces and nephews/friends come in to see him, it was an amazing experience. What wonderful family and friends we have in our lives - and I thank you for being there for him and for us.

It is a hard weekend, having to say goodbye to dad and it makes it hard today that it is Cary and Brayden's birthday - hopefully he will hold on until after midnight so the boys will maybe have somewhat of a happy birthday, but they will forever remember this is the weekend we had to let go....

Updates later....

Much love to all,

Emotional Night

you know how sometimes you just have a feeling that something isn't right. I had that feeling all day yesterday, not exactly sure why I just did. Dad - isnt' doing too well. Wednesday night he slipped and fell - thank goodness the boys were here to help him, yesterday the hospice nurse came in and ordered him a hospital bed and helped with his shower - he is just SO weak and not able to do anything without anyone's help.

He didn't eat last night when I was here and he just sat in his chair, not talking, I went ahead and left about 9:45 but that feeling was still knawing at me that something wasn't right. Jeremy called me at 11:15 and said to come back over because dad wanted everyone here. That was the longest 10minute drive of my life. When I came back into the house everyone that was here was crying and red-eyed, dad wanted everyone here because he wanted to say his goodbyes while he still could. He is just so tired and is so tired of being in so much pain - he just kept telling me that he was ready and he just wants it to be over. I told him as everyone else did that it is okay to go - those are hard words to say to the one you love but they need to know that it is okay so they'll let go.

He was telling me about the people he was seeing and about this beautiful place with nice big green trees and plants, and beautiful flowers and amazing waterfalls - and he said Michele it is just so peaceful! He said he was saying his mom and dad and wanted to talk to his mom and I told him that they were waiting for him - and they were preparing for his homecoming - it was going to be a big celebration when you meet them again.

We did call Father in and he did have his last rites. But it could be hours, it could be days, no one knows for sure, but we do know the journey home has begun. And as hard as it is going to be to let him go, we just all want him to be at peace and to be happy once again.

Yesterday was an ironic day in that for some reason - everyone wound up being here to see him, all the grandkids, and all of us kids with spouses - it was just ironic and I think dad knowing that he saw everyone one last time, decided he was ready.

I'll keep everyone posted as the day goes on.

Much love to all,

Realization

I came to the realization tonight that no one knows when "the end" will be here for any of us. It is all in God's hands. And even though one may be healthy and doing good the one day, the very next day things can change quickly. So even though I love dad's hospice nurse, I think she is like us and it is all just a guessing game and things could change instantly.

He did for the most part have a good day, he had many visitors. Uncle John and Aunt Sandy came for a bit which was good because mom had to run an errand. Then Uncle Tom came by and dad was excited to show Tom his tomatoe plants so he had a nice visit there and then Tom next door neighbor came over and dad was calling him a dumb ass. And Tom and mom agreed he may be being mean but it is a lot better than staring into space. And Aunt Bernie and Lisa came over, which was a great surprise. I didn't even know she was in town yet. But dad really enjoyed his visitors but by the time everyone had left, he was exhausted and went back to his "fog".

He would join in the conversation here and there but I know he was tired so he would zone out. He had a little more control on his holding things today, but a bit more trouble walking. It's no wonder his feet are so swollen, I told him he looked like a oompa loompa from Willy Wonka, he laughed.

So again, we enjoy our evening together again. This makes up for all the family vacations we have never taken together. I volunteered to cook tomorrow - I am thinking White Castles - it's quick and easy and I'll get them all sick :).....

Hospice is coming in tomorrow to change his bandages, which is good because mom had some questions for them. But like I said earlier, it is all a guessing game for everyone, no one is God but God himself, and it is his timeline - so we continue to be blessed with him here with us each new day.

Much love to all,