is the day. This is a tough blog to write. I remember last year on this day waking up to a beautiful sunrise and having a gut feeling that today was going to be the day dad left us. It was an overwhelming feeling of sadness but yet peace because I knew he was going home and I knew that he would not be suffering anymore. The day started out as any of the last six days did. Everyone waking up, everyone spending time with dad, but this day was different. Lisa his nurse said she was staying the whole day which she never did, that was a sign to me.
I remember talking to Aunt Joy and Aunt Rita and them saying as they were driving up today that they knew today was going to be the day. Everyone seemed to have arrived early today or maybe it was just because there was no sense of time in the house anymore. All the brothers and sisters and in laws were able to be there to spend time with dad. I remember today was the day that we were all there as Aunt Joy and Aunt Rita said the rosary, I remember feeling God with me at that moment telling me everything was going to be alright, I remember how none of us had a dry eye, not one person in that room. I think we all knew today was the day. I remember watching Uncle Tom, Uncle Dave, and Uncle John take their turns spending time with dad, talking to him, telling him stories, and I remember thinking, my gosh this is as hard for them as it is for us kids, they have known him his whole life, they have always been there for each other. I remember Aunt Joy and Aunt Rita always telling us stories about their little brother and how all of the ladies loved him because he was such a great dancer. They too were in pain.
I remember coming in from outside and sitting on the couch. I happened to look over at dad and no one was sitting next to him, which was unusual because someone was always with him. I went over and I sat on one side and held his hand, and Jen happened to walk up and be on his other side holding his hand. I remember telling him I loved him and that I was going to miss him tremendously and my heart was breaking, I knew he was leaving us. Jen and I both noticed his breathing was different and I remember calling Lisa over and her saying those words "He is going"......
Then it was a whirlwind, calling out telling everyone to come in, trying to find mom, the boys, aunts, uncles, kids, and it was like dad waited. He waited until everyone that was at the house that morning was in that room with him. He waited so he could say his final goodbye to everyone, I know he felt the love there, I know he knew it was okay to go, I know he knew us hard as it would be for everyone in their own way, that we would be alright. And as soon as he knew we were all there, holding each other, crying, and telling him our I love you's - he went home.
That day is a day I will never forget in my life, it is one of those days that I will take and hold dear to
my heart.
Some of us are working today and some of us took off, I am trying to work but can't concentrate. I need my old job back where I was too busy to even think. It is going to be a long hard day, I went to bed crying, I woke up crying, I typed this crying and I am sure I will end my day in tears. It is hard, it hasn't gotten any easier yet - but I suppose in time it does.
It is kind of hard in not having a grave to go to, to bring flowers and sit and look at a headstone and know he is there. So we will go to mom's tonight, where is he, and have a toast to his life, to the great man, father he was. We will toast with our tears and smiles and remember that he is always with us - always.
Miss and love you dad ~ so much. You are always in hearts and minds and our lives.
Much love to all,
